


Prism

by WildflowerSunrise



Series: Prism [1]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Billy Hargrove is a babe, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Possible Slow burn, this is my first fic please be nice to me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:00:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25751755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildflowerSunrise/pseuds/WildflowerSunrise
Summary: You never belonged in Hawkins. The students at school could not recognize the reason that you were different than them. Popular, the life of the party. It should be cut and dry in that way, like any other high school stereotype. Simple. Explainable. The air you carried around you, like your own personal oxygen hugging you is what made you not fully reachable. Always searching for more, more, more.When Billy moved next door, he saw you dancing in your backyard without actually committing to a beat. His first day at Hawkins you pointed him in the direction of class. Were already gone before he could turn on his charm; made him hesitate before he even got a chance to.Watching you, head thrown back in laughter and surrounded by other classmates. When someone else started speaking though and the eyes weren’t on you Billy watched as your smile left your eyes. How you looked in the general direction of your friends but not actually at them. How you retreated inward but in such a way someone would have to be studying you to notice. The way a painting can have so many different meanings, interpretations, hidden details once you look at it for too long.Billy Hargrove was captivated.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Reader, Billy Hargrove/You
Series: Prism [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868059
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> So I got up the courage to actually put my writing on here. This is just the introduction and the outline is finished. I should have the first chapter finished tonight.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

If there was one thing about you, one vivid undeniable fact it was this: it did not matter you were born in Hawkins, you didn’t belong there. A fact that perplexed you as someone who was always surrounded by friends, the life of the party listening to cheers while you danced on the Harrington dining table. There was no actual reason for you to feel out of place when every day you were treated like you were Hawkins. All of it felt like jewelry that was too heavy. The attention an accessory that weighed you down. For some reason though, you couldn’t give it up. 

Being in your room felt like clocking out of work. You no longer felt like you had to be “on”, no longer did you owe your attention and your stories and yourself to your friends. Turning on your stereo and dancing around your room without abandon. Glancing out your window you saw the moving trucks slowing down to a stop in front of the empty house next door. Reminded yourself to start closing your curtains. You found your curiosity getting the better of you and gave the window another glance. Appreciated the Camaro now parked in the driveway for a moment before the driver side door opened and you made eye contact with your new neighbor. He paused for a moment too, cigarette hanging loosely from one side of his lip as the other side curled up into a lazy smirk. Months later that moment would become important. The first time you saw each other. The first time you watched that twitch on his mouth that was so effortless, like it was uncontrolled by him. He would mention your eyes and when you roll those same eyes at him, he’ll remember easy lines about eyes don’t work for you and mention instead the way the you were out of breath from dancing, the way your hair stuck to your face from sweat. The way you studied him for what felt like an eternity but only lasted a beat before you gave him an easy, lazy smile and left your room.

You and Billy have a story. A story that began on a Wednesday night. A story that neither of you knew you wanted. A story you both tried to end but could not, the pages continuing to turn with the breeze in Hawkins.


	2. New Colors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally meet Billy Hargrove and even though you can't explain it he is able to see through you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first real chapter. Thanks for everyone who read the introduction so far!

It was a Wednesday when Billy and his family moved to Cherry Lane. You had been in your room after school. The worn boots and jeans you wore that day were discarded on the floor after being hastily removed in an attempt to find relief from who you were earlier. Like if you were to take off what felt like a uniform then maybe you could breathe. Shed the skin and not be seen, not be sought out. Not owe anyone laughter or attention or stories from the prior weekend. To finally be home and in your room, with your posters and your lights. The worn shirt with the small holes on the left shoulder and the shorts from gym class you sometimes sleep in were thrown on in a hurry when you realized your parents were out and you could play your music as loud as you wanted. Thrash around your room, maybe jump on your bed in a moment of abandon. These were the moments you craved. This is what gave you yourself back to do it all over again the next day when you got to Hawkins High. Get back to your hairspray, the fringe on your jacket. These little moments with your stereo and being alone were worth it all.

With the music so loud, you didn’t hear the moving trucks and it wasn’t until you spun around that you even saw the telltale signs of new neighbors. You didn’t really think much of it other than the fact that from now on you’ll have to close your curtains, which while mildly an annoyance when the sun was shining, was something you could deal with. You did start to slow down on your movements when a Camaro parked outside caught your eye. This was Hawkins and not only that it was Cherry Lane. The Camaro stood out and you caught yourself almost studying it until the driver side door opened and he stepped out. He was tall, he was good looking and the way he carried himself as he closed the door and put a cigarette to his lip made it apparent that he knew it. You didn't know how long he had been sitting in his car, how much of your dancing he had seen. There was something else you noticed though as you watched him walk away from the Camaro, each step making him enter your line of vision. He was different. On edge even with nothing that could be a danger to him around; none that you could see at least. He paused as he got to the side of the house and turned to where you stood at the window. There was a moment that passed between you two. Your breath hitched in your throat and later when you were in bed you would laugh at yourself for being such a ridiculous girl about a cute boy. You realized the new neighbor was taking in your hair being half wet and resting on your face from your dance session, the rest still half teased from school earlier, the flush in your cheeks. You didn’t really have a chance to get embarrassed about it because the moment that realization came so did a smirk from the right side of his mouth—the one free from the cigarette dangling effortlessly from the left. You found yourself mirroring the same smirk before retreating into your room and leaving to the kitchen. Suddenly you felt the need to splash some water on your face. Suddenly you needed to escape from the intensity of one lazy smirk.

The next day before school you walked outside. Hair done, makeup done, those jeans you had to lay down to zipper. This is when you finally speak to Billy Hargrove, as he introduced himself. “So new neighbor, have a name or am I going to have to think of one for you?” There was that smirk again. “Y/N. Although I would have been curious as to what name you would have given me.” He repeated your name, then repeated it again. Tested it out in his mouth, felt it on his tongue. Your name almost became a heartbeat by the fifth and final time before he set it free from his mouth. He asked if you went to Hawkins High, offered you a ride that you were half tempted to take before nodding to your own, admittedly not as impressive, car and started walking toward it, keys in hand as you waved to him. “See you at school Billy Hargrove!” you yelled lightly to him and he stood there for a moment smiling to himself. Later he would tell you that he thought it would be convenient that you were next door, that he made you his conquest that morning. That he didn’t know how much deeper it would be than that. This would come much later, for now you were just a neighbor and he was out to make the best of a shitty moving situation. It was time to be a big fish in the small pond of Hawkins.

You got to school before Billy, or at least before you noticed he was there. Every morning felt the same to you. Standing at your locker with four friends having a variation of the same conversation you have each day. You know your part by now, Heather finishes her story about her boyfriend and his trespassing escapades—this is where you laugh. Now Carol rolls her eyes and there’s that big deal about…something or another. You shake your head and scoff for her. By the end everyone is placated and happily on their way to class. You face your locker to get your science textbook for next period and close your eyes for a beat. Maybe two beats because your moment is interrupted by that voice from this morning. The one with a bit of gravel to it, the one both charming and with a barely covered edge to it. “Y/N, what’s the matter? Dance a little too hard last night?” you wait a moment before smiling gently and facing him. “Oh yeah, Billy? Enjoy that free show?” you laugh and Billy notices there isn’t embarrassment. For a split second this threw him for a loop. You were supposed to be bashful about it and he was supposed to work his charm. Convince you that he thought it was cute. That you are cute. That you should let him take you out. He decided to buy himself some time and instead lean against the locker next to yours, show you his schedule. He figured he could figure out another approach as you direct him to his next class but after you tell him he needs to go the other way down the hall and take a left you are already set in motion, waving over your shoulder and telling him you’ll see him later.

He managed to push you out of his head for the rest of the school day. Well, mostly. He reveled in the attention he was getting from girls. The way they batted their eyes, giggled. People orbited him—he was fresh, he was new. He was so unlike Hawkins. It bored him. There was no challenge there. All he had to do is be everything he was good at: cool, tough, charming. It wasn’t until he got to his car and leaned on the side waiting for Max to get a move on so he could take her home that he saw you smiling and waving at a group of people before getting in your car. Closing your eyes. Resting your head on the steering wheel and letting out a long exhale. In that moment he realized something: you didn’t belong here either.

Billy thought about you the whole way home. He thought about you when he got to his room. When he went out for a drive to smoke and clear his head so he didn’t have to look at Neil. It wasn’t until he got back into his room and took off his jacket that he happened to glance out his window and see into yours. You were brushing your hair, your profile studying yourself in the mirror. Suddenly you looked to your left and you and Billy made eye contact. You smiled softly at him and let out a small wave, hairbrush still in your hand. A wave that was returned by him before you both sat on your respective beds…wondering when Hawkins got a heartbeat.


	3. What Are You Looking For?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a party at Steve Harrington's house and you're ready to be the party girl Hawkins cheers on. However Billy seems to be looking for an answer to a question only he knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has been so nice so far! Thanks for the kudos. I kind of went overboard on this one so I split it into two chapters.

Parties always somehow managed to be something you loved for the crowds of it all. How easy it was to get lost in a crowd of dancing bodies, how short lived that always was for you though. You viewed this as something close to work. Your friends and peers expected you to remind them why they went through the effort of getting ready and making the trip to Steve Harrington’s house more than worth it. In turn, for your laughter and vacuous party girl spectacle that they wanted, you got what you needed— the cheers and attention that felt like getting away with a secret; like the adrenaline of having an upper hand. It made you feel like if you could so easily slip into character and no one knew that the girl who was just helped onto the Harrington dining room table to dance and rile everyone up more with her cheers, the crowd none the wiser that this girl was fiction, then you had your power still. It was so effortless after awhile, switching seamlessly into the girl that Hawkins wanted you to be, the one they wanted to be around that you began to wonder where you ended and the disguise began. If there was a disconnect at all, really. Maybe you were both the girl telling riotous stories about your weekend and the one that rested on her bed and lazily watched the stars in the sky. The phase of the moon. You always drank during these parties because if you let your mind stay clear you started thinking about facades and stillness and wanting to be both the light they’re drawn to and to fade into air and not give anymore of yourself. You could get so damn tired. These parties, school, the mall—this carefully crafted persona? It drained you. You would leave school and drive to a parking lot somewhere just to sit in silence and let yourself fill your body again. You didn’t know how much of it was real but it didn’t matter in the end—artificial or not, you were still giving yourself to them in exchange for the rush of feeling some type of excitement in this dead town. It still exhausted you every day.

As you jumped down from the dining room table, beer still in hand and only slightly spilling from the momentum, you saw him in the corner. Billy. He was talking to a girl, you didn’t really know her but thought she might be a junior if memory served. You felt yourself smirk, realizing during that somehow you began to mimic the one Billy gave you. Almost like it was a gift and as a result belonged to you now. The smirk on your face at the scene was the result of how obvious it all was. Also it seemed like such a waste of time to you. Why even go through with the lines that you couldn’t hear but were sure were being said by him, the nameless junior watching his mouth as though the words were glimmering jewels? You were across the room and already knew Billy would get what he was working for. It wasn’t hard for him from what you had heard. Billy may not have been in Hawkins long but with the air of California around him and that face combined with the attitude he had already made a name for himself. You felt a tinge of curiosity. Wondered if he had to work at making them all think of him in such an enamored way too. You couldn’t fully believe that your neighbor was what they all accepted without question. You took another sip of your beer while you looked for a slip up from him…something, anything that proved you right. It almost became a research project that you were doing on your break as Steve stole the crowd from you. You just needed to see if you could see through him. Also you were hoping you could because if he didn’t have to become a different person for the notoriety and feel empty in his room afterwards then you were going to have to come to terms that some people are genuinely admired and that they actually existed and you weren’t one of them, that at your core you were just playing dress up. You shook your head in three quick movements to stop yourself from going down a rabbit hole. You looked to your left and felt relieved that the crowd had gravitated toward Steve and he was reveling in it because you couldn’t imagine what they would think of you holding a beer in your hand and staring off to the side like you were trying to find a meaning in the pattern of the curtains. As your eyes swept the room again, and in the process Billy, they paused their journey because they had become connected to his eyes. The junior girl was giggling and looking down at her shoes and Billy didn’t look away from you while he continued to talk to her without missing a beat. As though his expression didn’t have evidence of…was it confusion? You couldn’t tell, it was so subtle. A furrow of the eyebrows, his eyes studying and ever so slightly squinted like he was trying to find the answer that’s hidden in your face to a question you didn’t even know was being asked. For a beat you couldn’t disconnect from his gaze, finding yourself studying him as well. Attempting to evaluate each feature to figure out what he was trying to see in you. Someone could have told you an hour passed since you both began your individual searching of each other, looking for something you couldn’t place and you wouldn’t have questioned it. However, it could have only been ten seconds at most because Billy turned his head back to the girl right before she looked up to giggle, unaware that he had even stopped facing her at a point. You took a moment longer to look away, but when you did you chugged the rest of the half-flat beer you had been holding.

Even though you didn’t know if you could get yourself to the place you were when the party really got going you felt like that you had to. Even if it meant you would probably stay alone in your room the whole next day and cover yourself in silence where no one would absorb whatever you could give them and still want more. Where you were able to know that every blood cell flowing through the map of your veins still belonged to you. That even though you felt like you didn’t have anything left to give, you actually hadn’t lost anything. No part of you was missing. You didn’t like the idea of being in bed all day. It was only comforting to a point; after that you only had your thoughts to keep you company. You wish you could understand how you both wanted to be alone and also hated being lonely. You wish you didn’t overanalyze everything like that. You wished you were drunk…and that was the easiest thing on the list to tackle so you grabbed a bottle of vodka as you made your way to Steve and the crowd that was beginning to disperse into clusters of people dancing and attempting to have conversations while yelling over the music. You lightly tap Steve on the arm with the bottle and offer it to him but he waves his hand casually to say no, still finishing up a laugh that started before you reached him. “Y/N, you missed the funniest shit. Joey was imitating Ms. Kenan—you know, when she does her duck walk?” Steve recounted as you look down at the bottle in your hands, giving him the smile that is required as a response. To be truthful you have never paid enough attention to Ms. Kenan to notice her walk. Your eyes lingered on the cap of the vodka as Steve continued telling stories of things that had just happened while your head still felt cloudy ever since the eye contact. You shook your head slightly again, internally scolding yourself for allowing yourself to assign meaning to things and complicating them instead of just acknowledging that sometimes a look is just a look. Almost like a punctuation to your inner lecture you unscrewed the cap of the vodka and brought it to your mouth taking a shot. It burned and you didn’t think about a chaser and for fuck sake, why do you have to be so impulsive? Need that instant gratification? You hear Steve’s laugh next to you, leaving his mouth with alcohol dancing around it. You realize that he’s laughing at the face you made and you elbow him lightly, giving him a smile before bracing yourself and bringing the bottle to your mouth again. You were happy that everyone had broken off and felt yourself relax next to Steve. He may be the only one of your friends that you felt like one. You let yourself feel the vodka work its way down your throat and when you bring the bottle down you make eye contact with Billy again. This time it feels much quicker. It was either less intense or maybe the alcohol you consumed earlier was waking back up once the vodka was invited in and you couldn’t get stuck in your head.


	4. This Small Universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billy drives you home from the party and drops the last thing you want to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the party!
> 
> (next two chapters are almost done!)

As the night went on you found yourself getting a piggy back ride from Steve as he ran through the crowd and you threw your head back and laughed. The alcohol made you feel light and airy. It felt like recess back when you were eight years old. It also made it so you didn’t feel pain when Steve stumbled and you both fell on the floor, rolling onto your backs laughing and covering your faces with your hands. You found yourself at various times glancing to find Billy. At some point he broke off from the junior girl but you weren’t sure when. You kept telling yourself to stop but like a habit there you would go. Sometimes when you found him you would see that he was looking at you first. Funny enough, tag was your favorite game at recess-- and this is what tonight with Billy seemed like. It was as if you were getting the full experience of a childhood memory and for once it didn’t feel like you had to do anything other than enjoy it.

The night was winding down, you were still on a good level where you weren’t tethered down by anything but you could also see straight. You’ve tried a lot to find the perfect portions to get to this level of intoxication but always end up not having enough and being tipsy at the most or taking the other path and ending up with your head in Steve’s toilet. Sometimes he would be holding your hair. More than sometimes he would be snoring in his bed. You were ready to go, Steve having disappeared with some girl not long before. You wonder how awkward your stumbly thumbs up and wink at him were while he walked up his stairs and he rolled his eyes at you and let out a silent chuckle before you hear the door close and turn back around giggling. You looked over to your left at the couch and then to the lingering people in the living room. Looking for another option to sleep, you turned around to see if you could get into Steve’s parents room but as you turned you find yourself slightly stumbling forward and into Billy’s chest as his arms go out to steady you. 

“Woah there, Sweetheart. You’re going to disappoint me if I find out my hot neighbor can’t hold her booze.” He said with that smirk as he looked at you. You held his gaze and smiled sleepily at him. A lazy smile with a hint of bliss and a splash of alcohol. You felt your head tilt just so slightly to the right as you looked at him, something blooming in you that you could only think to describe as “colorful”. Bright splashes of paint in your core. Dripping down your rib cage. As soon as you felt it you broke the eye contact, feeling slightly disoriented. You see Billy lean down a bit to look at you, amused and you assume he's thinking you’re more drunk than you actually are. You realize that you have to snap out of whatever daze you were shoved into by mere eye contact and a voice with a hint of gravel to it. You quickly dismiss whatever that feeling is by crediting it to alcohol and looked back up at Billy, cutting your mind off as it began to counterpoint this isn’t the first time you have had alcohol but it is the first time you felt whatever the hell that was. 

“You should be much more disappointed in how boring of a window you got in the peeping lottery.” You respond hoping the self-deprecation wouldn’t be misread as trying to collect compliments. You hope that if Billy does have a secret side that it isn’t one that reads too deeply into things and now knows that you aren’t always dancing in your room. That you’re usually quiet. 

Your banter with Billy continues like a game of tennis. You feel almost as though you need to have the better responses and win. What the competition is you don’t know, you just feel as though you want the prize. Whatever it is. When Billy offers you a ride home and you hesitate, to which he makes a crude accusation in a joking tone of your possible desired threesome with Steve and his new friend. You concede, stating “I guess I am on your way.” Then you’re off to the Camaro, sitting in the passenger seat and looking around to find anything that could give you a clue as to another side of Billy, but you only notice a spare lighter before he gets in the car behind the wheel. The ride home is silent at first but only briefly. Billy, and you had noticed this before tonight, has created a competition that he seems to really want to win against Steve. As soon as he asks you if you are secretly in love with your best friend in a mocking tone you weren’t surprised. You want to ask him what his deal is, Steve doesn’t seem too concerned about whatever Billy is so enamored with. You want to dive deeper, ask if he needs to be the alpha male wherever he goes and ask him why? Why is that so important to him? You’re happy you’re not so drunk that you can stop the questions from falling out of your mouth. Instead you answer his question in the negative, but that if you were to be in love with anyone you would be happy if it were Steve. Tell him you lost your virginities to each other and you both agreed that you were meant to be friends.

The words come out like a waterfall and you regret telling Billy really anything about Steve. Giving him any fuel to use against him somehow. Hell, even telling him about when you lost your virginity. You tend to forget that he just drove into your small town not too long ago. Billy waits to respond because when you stop defending Steve it had sounded like you still had more to say but when nothing comes and you look over at him, Billy just upturns that one side of his mouth and raises his eyebrows slightly. Then he asks you something that changes the atmosphere in the car as he drives, the question leaving his lips without him even looking away from the road:

“If you guys are so close how come he falls for it like everyone else in this hick town?”

You swallow hard. You tell yourself not to assume what he means. He could be talking about anything but when you look out the window and quietly ask “falls for what?” he lets out a sarcastic laugh and looks over at you, one hand on the wheel and an amused expression on his face.

“You have them all on a string, don’t you? They believe what you want them to believe. When you think no one is watching you’re not good at hiding it.” 

When he says it you feel your stomach sink. You can almost see yourself losing it all when people find out that Y/N of Hawkins High is just an impostor who had to pretend to be someone cool in order to have people like her. They’ll see you to your bones for who you really are and even though you’re not even sure if you like who you are when you fall into character you aren’t ready to lose it. So you deny in a quick way that probably makes you sound guiltier. You go for an angle of making Billy sound like he watches too many movies and life isn’t that dramatic. You’re just a people person.

He laughs and puts his hands up in surrender after parking his car and then looks over at you. One day he’ll point out that your voice went up a little when you were desperately trying to convince him he was wrong, that it was the voice you use at school or at parties but when it’s just you and him it’s slightly deeper. Similar but he notices the difference. He’ll tell you that he couldn’t really focus on your denials because that was when he realized that you were being yourself with him, that you didn’t even notice that the rest of the ride or when you first met that you forgot to be the person Hawkins thinks you are. However when you were in that moment while it was happening all you saw was him nodding his head and with his palms facing you. You needed the upper hand back because you knew no amount of excuses will make him truly, genuinely believe you and you know it. You probably knew it when you first really locked eyes earlier in the night. It was like being seen through everything you put up to hide behind. You don’t want to leave the car yet. You need to end on a different note. You want to keep looking at his profile even though you wish you didn’t. However you did notice something in his big proud reveal of you. Without meaning to he gave you what you needed. He admitted he was watching you and you took the moment of silence, the thickness in the air to call him out on it. The question “so you were watching me?” is accompanied with a smug smile and immediately the intense seriousness that had surrounded you both disappeared.

Billy matched your smile and leaned in to whisper “you already know I do, because you look at me too.” You feel your breath catch in your mouth, just short of escaping. You don’t feel yourself lean in until you can feel Billy’s breath on your lips. Just as the gap is going to close you pull back slightly. In the moment you have an understanding that once you kiss Billy things would change for you. No matter if he dropped you for another girl in a week or if this became something: you would be giving up the identity you cultivated somehow, someway. You lean in again, the air around you both charged now and right as you feel yourself about to give in you whisper on his lips that you need to get to bed. For all you’ve heard about him and his ways he doesn’t try to convince you to stay. He just looks into your eyes again, then he nods and says he’ll wait in the car for you to get inside safe. You smile at him again and fight the urge to give yourself what you want, what you wanted as your bodies slowly pulled closer to each other. Instead you wave and step out of his car into the night. Already it feels like a different world than the one you were just in. It feels muted and humid. Not like the blues and the reds and the body heat that enveloped you both in the Camaro. Once you get to the door you give Billy a wave and walk inside, trying to quietly run to your room and see if you can get a glimpse of him out the window. See if he looks mad, or sad. If he cares at all. Instead you see him faintly in the dark, still sitting in his car. The tip of his cigarette lights up and you can barely make out his features but somehow you know there is a hesitation surrounding him. You know you can’t see him clearly enough to know for sure and it may be wishful thinking but it seemed like he was just as confused and enamored as you were.


	5. Put It Into Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You find it hard to avoid Billy, especially when he lives next door and sees your light on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you all for the positive feedback & kudos. It's really motivational for a first time fic writer to keep going :) Hope you enjoy!

“God, can he be more of an asshole?” Steve murmurs next to you in class. Honestly you hadn’t been paying attention, taking the time before class starts to bite on the end of your pen and gaze past the wall. You had found your mind wandering a lot lately, having to consciously remember to be in the moment. To smile. To nod. You had tried your best the past week to be as distant as possible to Billy. Of course, being his neighbor already made that a losing battle, but Billy wasn’t making the task simple for you. He would brush up against you in the hall, give you that smirk if he caught your eyes—your body betraying you and almost moving against your will to find him in the hallways and class. Besides, it’s not like you could take different routes to avoid him because you would still end up hearing about him. Every day he seemed to become more notorious. 

“Hmm?” was the only sound you could muster up as you turned to look at him, realizing that he had been talking to you. _Fuck, pull it together. Get out of your head._ you thought to yourself as you turned the ends of your mouth upward to hopefully soften the impact to Steve that he had been having a conversation essentially alone. He rolled his eyes at you slightly and nodded as a denim clad Billy walked past the classroom window, cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Apathy clouded his face as he finally disappeared from the view. You looked back at Steve and nodded, end of your pen still in your mouth and you found yourself grinding your back teeth on it a little more. “Oh God, Y/N!” Steve said louder than necessary as a few people turned to look at the two of you and you let out a fake laugh to make it seem like this was just a light moment between friends and they turned back around. “What?” you whispered at him, a slight edge to the word. “You’re into him!” he whispered back, returning that edge to you along with a incredulous stare that you tried to counter attack by narrowing your own eyes as you returned his gaze. “Steve, stop. No I don’t.” you said with finality and though you both continued your attacks on each other with your eyes in the way that somehow managed to be both serious and harmless. A battle that can only happen between best friends. Steve yielded first, sighing heavily and shaking his head. “I know, sorry Y/N. You wouldn’t fall for his crap.” he said, running his hand through that hair that made you draw his name in hearts years ago. You felt a pang, as though you disappointed him and he just didn’t know yet but you remind yourself you haven’t done anything with Billy Hargrove. That wasn’t what Steve had said though, and you knew you could rework his meaning all you wanted but it didn’t change anything. The teacher finally came in, coffee in hand answering the unasked question of why he was late. You welcomed the reason to stop looking at Steve although you ran his words through your head for the rest of class.

At the end of the school day you made your way to the parking lot, struggling to get your keys out of your purse before feeling your hand wrap around them and looking up in small triumph. Somehow, as you always seem to do when he’s around you no matter how many people are around, you immediately see Billy. He’s talking to a girl—was her name Sherri? She had study hall with you last year but you didn’t really talk to her. He wasn’t giving her all his infamous charm from what you could tell. His posture was stiff even with the cigarette moving up to his lips, and his side glance at her seemed non-committed. She giggled regardless though as she walked to his passenger side door and you had a flash of when you sat in the same seat she was about to be in. Billy turned to walk to the drivers side as he flicked the finished cigarette in the parking lot and at the same time noticed you. You tried to look away but felt your face flush. Pushed down that pang of jealousy you couldn’t explain and keep your face neutral. He squinted a bit as if to see you clearer and then with a shrug and that smirk turned to his car. You started your pace to your car, unsure what emotion you were supposed to be feeling but wishing you weren’t feeling any at all. Wish he would just be another Hawkins student and stop making you feel like he was unwrapping every secret you covered yourself in.

Later that night, you were on your back in your bed with your legs straight up against the wall. You had rested the textbook you should have been studying on your stomach after losing the battle to absorb any information about cells from it. You can’t say the ceiling you were staring at was more interesting but just when you were about to give studying another shot and try to get out of your thoughts you heard a car pull up to the Hargrove driveway and turned your head to the right as though you would be greeted with something other than your wallpaper. You held your breath for a moment without realizing it as you kept yourself tethered by gravity to your bed so you wouldn’t go to the window. You listened to the car door open, close. You rolled over on your bed to lay on your side and face your back to where Billy was outside. A hint of pride fell on you like a raindrop as you realized that you did have control and it wasn’t impossible to keep yourself away from Billy. Just as more pride started falling down on you, you heard a tapping at your window and hit your mattress with your hand in frustration. _Dammit._

As you rolled off your bed you slowly walked to your window you could hear Steve’s words from earlier. Willing for self-control, you open your curtains and immediately open the window once you notice that you can only see the reflection of the lamp behind you in it before realizing how careless and dangerous that was if it hadn’t had been Billy. As his blue eyes greeted you, a playful glint in them and his mouth turned upward you felt a heat in your core. “Saw your light on, and your parents car gone. Why didn’t you just stand outside and invite me in at that point?” _This arrogant bastard._ How did you somehow find yourself mirroring his smile? You both stayed in that moment, crickets chirping as you both took each other in. You’re the one who breaks the hold, look down and shake your head a bit before looking back up at him and asking him what he wants. “Didn’t want you to get lonely.” He answers casually as he leans to the side and looks past you into your room “Christ, is that a teddy bear on your shelf?” he laughs out. You turn around quickly as though you didn’t expect to see the stuffed animal that had been there for years. You feel your eyes close and your cheeks flush before turning around quickly back to him with an attempted glare that just falls short, making him laugh a little more as he looks at you again with a smile before he lets out one more small exhale. “Are you done?” you ask, crossing your arms over your chest and realizing that you were wearing a night shirt and no bra. You struggle to not let your face betray you and call attention to it. “Yeah, I’m done. You gonna let me in?” Billy replies with a sigh and your mouth almost said yes before you swallowed the word back down. He sees your hesitation and goads you with “You know you want to let me come in there.” He says in an almost whisper, leaning more into the window, looking at you in a way that almost hurts in how it pulls you in to him. You feel your arms uncross and drop to your sides. You remember Steve and Sherri. You remember when nothing was able to touch you, see you and that was safe. You feel your head tilt to the side and study him. He doesn’t try to look away and his smile never truly leaves even as his expression relaxes. That air of California seemed like it still hung around his skin. Hawkins didn’t have waves in the ocean but you could almost see his memories of them. You take a step closer and notice that the only thing separating you is a wall now. “Why are you so intent on me?” you finally ask, and you’re surprised that you sound so soft and confused. Billy shrugs like he did earlier at school and looks to the trees behind your respective houses, takes a moment in a way that could either mean he was thinking of the response you want to hear or find the words of the true answer because it wasn’t easily explained. You weren’t sure which it would be or if you would ever be able to tell anyway. Whatever it was, he finally turned back to you, that mischievous glint gone leaving him unreadable as he spoke, “I can’t explain it. It just seems like you’re the only thing in Hawkins that doesn’t feel flat. I don’t know how else to say it.” You were silent for a moment as you processed this but Billy looked away again and seemed to feel uncomfortable for a beat before you see that his posture returns to the confident one you’re more familiar with. “Besides, what does it matter? I’m not trying to get married. Let yourself have fun…or did you just not want to admit to me the last time that you really are secretly in love with Harrington?” The words more characteristic to what you know of Billy, but at the same time sound different. Forced. You want to analyze it more but you feel acid in your throat as you feel yourself getting frustrated. Billy hadn’t been here long and he was so damn arrogant and it was all so easy for him. Such a “big fish in a small pond” cliché. He came to your town and made a name for himself immediately; started a competition with your best friend, made two girls that you know of cry already, and worst of all for you: he saw through you and knows that this life you have? This admiration? It’s not something you really earned. The attention you got from your peers in Hawkins wasn’t meant for confused, introspective girls. Girls that don’t know what they want or where they want to be and feel restless. It was all so easy for Billy, it seemed. Effortless and you felt a sense of resentment that you had to try and Jesus, you were so _fucking_ exhausted of trying all the time. 

It may have been that resignation and almost envy that made you roll your eyes at him and ask what you wondered about when he looked into the woods as though they could tell him what was drawing him to you. “I’m so ‘different’, you keep saying. All these smooth lines about how you can see the ‘real me’. Do you use the same lines on all the girls here, Billy? Or do you put in a bit more effort, figure out what would work for each one and mix it up a bit?” The words came out of your mouth and felt almost cathartic for only a few seconds before Billy responded. He was aggravated in his tone as he put his arms behind his head and looked up at the night sky before retorting “You’re a real pain in the ass, Y/N. You know that?” His head lowered back from the sky and you gave him the shrug he had been so willing to give you today. “I might be. To some people…but you don’t know me, Billy.” You used the last dwindling bit of momentum you had earlier and you hoped saying it out loud, that he didn’t know you, would make it true. Instead he moved closer to the window again and you felt yourself freeze as he leaned in, hands on the sill where you had placed yours at some point without noticing. His thumbs brushed against your fingers as he pushed himself further and you realized that you had moved your body almost imperceptibly to be closer to him. You didn’t move as you felt his lips ghost your own, barely dusting them. Not a kiss, not really, but your breath hitches in your throat as his own coats your mouth and he whispers: “Sure I don’t.” Your heart was pounding in your chest and if you hadn’t felt like your bones were frozen in place you knew that you would have moved your lips forward to finally fully meet his. Knew that he would have all the power. Billy lingered for a moment before finally stepping away with a smile and walking backwards toward his house. “Goodnight Y/N. Try not to dream about me later.” Confidence coating every word as he turned around. You had to will yourself to move and somehow you closed the window and curtain, then found yourself sitting on your floor, knees to your chest with your fingers tracing over your lips absent-mindedly. Feeling your slow breathing in and out, in and out.


	6. Keeping Me From My Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Billy both need air and what better than going with the breath of fresh air next door?

You felt like you were winning a fight against your textbook when you finally have managed to keep it open and keep your ass on the chair taking notes. Your foot taps in a beat on the inside of your desk. Honestly you’re on _a_ beat, although you aren’t sure if it’s the beat of the song that’s playing from your stereo. The wind is lightly blowing through the open window that you have begun only shutting before you were absolutely going to bed. You refuse to give it more thought but the fact that it’s in case Billy makes an appearance isn’t fully hidden from the back of your mind.

The other fact you try to keep hidden from yourself is the fact that you have always struggled to mind your own business when you hear yelling, which is why when the wind carries a muffled argument from the house on the right of yours you find yourself turning down the volume of the stereo and getting up from your desk to look out your window curiously. You realized what you were doing and decided to stop invading privacy a moment too late when Billy storms out of the front door and stalks over to his car, stopping at the door and sharply turning to make eye contact with you. You want to duck to the side of the window out of sight but know that wouldn’t change that you were caught so you stay. You stay at the window because you don’t know what else to do. You stay because you can’t tear your eyes away from Billy’s gaze. When he finally gets in his car you watch as he roughly grabs the steering wheel with one hand and the engine starts. He seems to change his mind about something and lifts both hands off the steering wheel before looking over at you and giving a nod with his head and _why the hell aren’t you in control of yourself tonight?_ because you grab your shoes and climb out the window, lightly jogging to his passenger side and getting in with bare feet before looking at him and almost imperceptibly smiling.

Billy reverses his car out of the driveway and you lean down to put your shoes on. Once your toes aren’t pressing naked against the floor of the car you lean back and look out the window at the passing houses. The silence in the air is noticeable but for some reason doesn’t cover you thickly like a blanket. Being in the car with Billy and taking in the town you grew up in almost feels like taking in a breath of air after breaking the surface of a lake. You look over at him before turning back to look out the window when he doesn’t take his eyes off the road. You want to study him more. Find the answers to whatever happened in his house in his face but at the same time know it’s not your place and hell, is it even important? Maybe he needed a breath too.

”I’m turning on music. Just a warning: it isn’t Duran Duran or whatever the hell you all listen to.” Billy says while reaching over to the radio. _Ah, and there he is_ you think to yourself while rolling your eyes. As he cranks the volume up you can’t help yourself and clutch at the invisible pearls around your neck. “Is- is this that devils music they warned me about?” you gasp, scandalized. “Okay, okay.” Billy lets out a small laugh, his first smile since you got in the car with him twenty minutes earlier “I should have known that (Y/N)(Y/L/N) would know who this is.” You roll your eyes a second time, although this time with a smile of your own. “Billy, I don’t know if you’ll ever believe this but AC/DC found their way to Hawkins, Indiana too…and Billy, every person in this small town gets down on their knees every night-“ he raises his eyebrows but you continue before he can get out whatever comment about activities that usually take place on knees “-and with tears coming down our eyes we thank God that he gave us the gift of music that California got to have.” Earning a laugh from Billy, you have to repress a self-satisfied smirk. “I get it.” He says as his laughter fades to a remaining smile on his face.

”What should we do tonight? Where do you want to go?” Billy asks, looking over at you. Without thinking you respond “Let’s leave this town.” Billy glances back at the road before looking back at you and sighing “I wish that was an option. This place fucking blows.” While this earns a nod from you, and while you find yourself agreeing in your heart about wishing it was at all possible you also find your mind reprimanding you for even climbing out of your window in the first place. For not being the person Steve thinks you are, the one who could resist Billy Hargrove. For not being the person you wish you were.

”(Y/N)?” Billy’s voice snaps you out of the fight inside you and you look at him with a “hmm?” He shakes his head, slightly confused but still amused. “I said to pick a place to go. I’m wasting gas.” You scrunch up your face for a moment before letting out a small gasp and telling him that the two of you should sneak onto the football field at Hawkins High. “You’re full of surprises. I would think you’d be afraid of being caught on school grounds after hours.” You scoff. “I thought you _knew_ me, Billy.” With a sigh he nods his head “I know enough. I don’t know whether you’re going to ignore me or get in my car though; I don’t really know what to expect.” You want to ask if that’s something that’s exciting but the look in his eyes answers for you. Billy Hargrove, for all of his macho Casanova ways, seemed different when he was alone with you…compared to at school, at least. You’ve seen him flirt with girls, you’ve seen him walk around like he owns the halls. This confidence is still there but so is something else. Something unreadable to you right now, but in his smile and in his laugh you catch glimpses of it.

Billy pulls up a half block away from the school and you both get out, him looking down to confirm you did finish putting on your shoes as you walk in silence to the field. The stadium lights aren’t on and even though that makes sense to you it also changes what your vision of coming here would look like. The moon and street lights instead create a dim illumination that you find you actually prefer. You run a bit ahead of Billy, before swinging back around to him with your arms sweeping up over your head and falling back down to your sides. Something is changing and you feel so free and happy right now on this football field that you usually feel so alone at when it’s filled with your fellow students. You smile at Billy and he looks at you like you’re a puzzle. “I want to join the football team.” You finally say. Billy’s eyebrows draw in but he decides to humor you. “Maybe they’ll finally win.” He says as he pulls out a cigarette and lights it, taking in a deep inhale and watching as you walk over and gently take it from his hand, taking your own drag and putting it back in his hand. You exhale the smoke as you try to keep your balance walking in a straight line, arms held out. You turn around and see Billy watching you before turning back around and taking a few more steps, leaning to the left or to the right. You stop when you wonder what the hell are you doing? The fighting inside you is back. You feel like you should be nervous letting down your guard with Billy. Letting down your guard with anyone, that carefully crafted girl; but you’re so _tired_ and you’re tired of being who everyone wants you to be. Even of feeling guilty about being here with Billy because of who Steve wants you to be. You know you can’t even be mad though, because this is all you fault. All of it, this expectation of you? All. Your. Fault. The fighting continues but something snaps inside you. You decide not to watch. Mind or heart, whichever one wins you decide you’ll find out when it happens. Until then? You’re going to enjoy this break from being (Y/N)(Y/L/N): Top Tier Queen of Hawkins.

”(Y/N)?” Billy’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts and you lazily turn to him as he throws his cigarette on the ground. “I take it back.” You look at him, cocking your head to the right in confusion. “I don’t think you would know what to do on this field.” Then you’re on the ground, straddling Billy. You won’t kid yourself that it was just to show off your tackling skills, because let’s be honest: you aren’t winning a Heisman anytime soon. Billy rests his hands on your hips as you rest yours on his chest. “Admit that I’m great at football.” You lean down and he smirks and shakes his head “No way, but I’m feeling where doubting you has gotten me.” The energy flowing back and forth between you is palpable and strong enough to make you roll off of Billy and mimic his position of lying on your back and staring up at the stars.

”Why did you defend it?” You knew he meant Hawkins but you don’t answer right away, which Billy takes as you not knowing what he was referring to. “Hawkins. You defended it earlier…why?” You pause before speaking “I honestly don’t know. I don’t have an answer. This place feels like a prison to me…but I guess I felt like I was defending myself.” The silence falls over you both again before Billy looks at you and you turn your head to meet his gaze. “You aren’t Hawkins. You don’t belong here and I would know because neither do I.”

Then you’re kissing. You’re kissing Billy and any fight in you ceases the minute your mouth meets his. You know now how this night is going to end and as Billy breaks the kiss to nip at your neck, the sigh you give to the moon is the victory call from your heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Split this chapter into two, but we're finally starting to get somewhere. The next chapter will pick up right where this one ends and everything is going to be different for you and Billy after. I appreciate the views and bookmarks, by the way. I hope I'm starting to hit my groove as a new writer but the support is so encouraging!


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